That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
