just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
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I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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