just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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