So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
