There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
