Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Less talking, more tequila
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
