its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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