Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
