quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
