You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
