She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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