Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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