I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
