Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
