I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
