just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are