Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?