i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i came on her dog
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915