it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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