She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
