so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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