the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
