Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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