can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
