Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
