So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
