Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
