just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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