96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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