So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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