I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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