We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever