put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize