so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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Boobs speak an international language.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?