I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.