I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.