I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later