I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
