i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
