I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
