we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
