Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
