So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
