Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
