The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
