Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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