she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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