You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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