I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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