Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
