I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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