Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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