The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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