Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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