She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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