There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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