He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
