People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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