In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
