i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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