So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
