they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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