Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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