Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
