Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
