Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
