Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
