Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
