Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you would pick up someone in the library
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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