I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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