he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
