ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
