I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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