Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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